Secrets (Razzbowski x Dawko)
by AsexualSnakes
Summary: Two Horror Loving YouTubers, Dawko and Razzbowski, see each other as close, if not best, friends. However, secretly, they both want more. Being afraid to tell each other their feelings, they keep it a secret. Yet, as lore goes, Secrets are hard to keep. Trigger Warnings: Death, surgery, hospitals, LGBT-Phobic abuse, blood, possible sexual scenes.
1. Chapter 1

Razz's POV

Wind shook the window in its loosened frame, letting in a deathly cold draft into my smallish bedroom. I tapped my finger against my table, resting my head on my free hand, staring straight at my WiFi routers flashing lights. Internet connection up in Scotland was shitty as hell, and the same went for signals in general. The only time I got a good telephone signal was when I was visiting Dawko down South, and even then it wasn't the best. Ugh, no wonder why I never did collabs. Every time I did so Skype always seemed to stop working because of it. It was horrible…I loved doing videos with Dawko, he was my closet friend, yet I rarely spoke to him. I would love to move down South, of course I would love to, but I had saved up for years to get the house that I had, and I was far from being mortgage-free.

My eyes drifted back to my monitor. Skype was frozen, and the same went for 'Who's The Daddy?' game we were playing. I was excited to play this game, I really was. Why did my internet connection have to come and fucking ruin everything? Sighing, I snatched my phone out of my pocket, turned it on, and checked my signal. For once I had one bar…It was something, at least. I unlocked it and went straight into my contacts. Dawko was at the top. He was the only person in my life who's name started with a 'D'. Of course, his real name was Lewis, but I still liked to call him Dawko; Even if we weren't recording or playing video games.

I pressed down onto his name, brought the phone up to my ear, and waited for him to pick up. I already knew the audio would be horrifically bad, but it was better than being totally cut off from him.

"Hello? Razz, is that you?" I felt my heart skip a beat. He sounded genuinely worried for me. "Are you alright?"

"Yes…" I paused for a moment, confused. "I'm fine, why would you think anything different? Y-You know that my internet is s-shitty, du-dude-dude." Why was I stuttering? I never had stuttered in my entire life. Why did I feel so anxious? It wasn't like I was lying, I was fine! I was totally fine. My internet was just being a dick, like always. Dawko knew that and so did I. "Are you alright, Dawko? Is your anxiety playing up again?" Yeah, that was probably the reason why he was so worried. He had always had anxiety, yet right now it was terrible.

"Oh, um…I-I guess it is, yes." He paused for a moment. "Sorry, Razz…" His voice started to thicken. Was he really about to cry? "Anyway, do you want to skip the video today?" My eyes dashed back to my router. Instead of flashing, the WiFi lights were now turned off completely. My internet was officially dead for the night.

"Yeah, that's the best thing. Sorry about my internet...I wish I could get the damn thing fixed, you know." I muttered while turning my computer off and slipping out from behind my desk.

"Don't worry about it, my internet is not the best either." I could hear the sound of him turning off his PC as well, followed by a bang. "Ah, fu…Fudge. Hang on a moment, Razz." As he was fixing whatever he had broken, I slipped out of my clothes, pulled a random shirt that I had on, and climbed into bed. I guess there were some advantages of having your office in your bedroom…I picked up my phone and listened. All I could hear was Dawko mumbling, along with the sound of multiple keyboard keys being pressed down at once. God, he must've spilled some of his herbal tea again. He always spilt whatever drink he was drinking when his anxiety was high…Poor thing, I wish I could be there to calm him down, I really wish I was. "R-Razz? Hello?"

"Still here, buddy." I could hear the sound of his heavy, yet shallow breathing. "Are you alright? Do you need to talk about something…?" There was a long, drawn out pause.

"I'm fine. I-I just spilt some of my Camomile tea all over my keyboard a-and it just scared me, that's all." Another pause. "Anyway, I'm going to bed now, nighty."

"Goodnight, Dawko." I hung up, turned my phone off, and rolled onto my back, staring up at my ceiling. The wind and rain was still going crazy outside. Normally I would find that sort of stuff relaxing, but tonight it made me even more confused and, well, just genuinely weird than happy. I don't know why, but the conversation I just had with Dawko was…different. It was different than our other conversations. It had a strange sort of vibe to it. Sure, normally I was scared for when he had his panic attacks, of course I was! Tonight…I was more than scared, though. I was more scared and worried than usual…Ugh…I placed my hands over my face. What was I talking about? He was fine…He would just go to bed, sleep, and wake up tomorrow and be perfectly okay. There was nothing to be scared about! Nothing! Nothing at all!

I pulled the covers over my head and curled up into a foetal position. My exhaustion felt like it was going to send me into a sleep-like trance at any moment, but my stomach felt like it was in knots. It didn't feel negative, nor did it feel like I had indigestion or some sort of stomach ache. I had felt it before, but I couldn't place my finger on when or where I had done so. Maybe it was just all the stress of my internet being shitty. Yeah, that was what it probably was. I shut my eyes and tried to ignore that strange, somewhat positive feeling that I had.

Dawko's POV

Dammit…No.

The mess of my drink was mostly gone by now, apart from a mug-shaped-circle that was now stained on my desk. God, I hoped that my keyboard wasn't destroyed. I really hoped it wouldn't. I grabbed the mug from the floor, the place where I had placed it, and put it on my bedside table. There was no way that I was going downstairs in the dark…I was like a five year old; I hated the dark, and going downstairs in it was one of my worst nightmares. I sighed deeply, flicked the light off, and ran into my bed. I really was five, wasn't I? Oh, and I also slept with a toy. Ugh, there was no way on Earth that I was ever going to get a partner. Who the hell would want to date me, a skinny, anxiety ridden, twenty year old who still slept with a toy? Fair enough, it was a toy Fox from a horror game mainly about kids being murdered mercilessly, but still! I still slept with a toy, I was still anxiety ridden to the point where even my therapist hated me, and I hated the dark. Dying alone was my future, it seemed. Still…At least I had Razz.

We met a while back, around six months ago. I can't really remember how we met, all I remember was that I stumbled upon some of this videos, saw that he did similar ones to mine, and sent him a tweet saying that exact same thing. When he replied, followed me back, and started DM'ing me, that was when our friendship really took off. I considered him my best friend, as corny as that sounded...I bet he didn't think the same for me, though. I bet he just thought I was just another random person that he happened to know.

****End of Chapter One****


	2. Chapter 2

Razz's POV

 _We were laying down next to each other. Me and Lewis. The bed was small, and we were cramped up next to each other, our backs touching one another. I don't know why I liked it, I honestly had no idea. Maybe it was because we were so close to one another that even sleeping in the same bed wasn't as awkward as other people make it out to be. Wait…Why were we even here in the first place? Why were we sharing a bed?_ _We weren't at any conventions, so I had no idea why I was in this situation!_

 _Ring Ring_

 _Ring Ring_

 _Ring Ring_

I sat up, a cocktail of love and fear brewing in my stomach. My heart was pounding and I was sweating all over. What…What the hell? Was that just…just a stupid dream? I glanced over to the other side of the bed. Dawko wasn't there. Ugh, it was a stupid dream. There was no way on earth it wouldn't be a dream. For starters, we were at opposite ends of the country, and secondly, if we were at some sort of hotel room that only had one, single bed, one of us would sleep on the floor or sofa instead of sharing the same bed.

 _Ring Ring_

 _Ring Ring_

 _Ring Ring_

Crap. How the hell did I forget the sound of my phone ringing? How? Stupid dreams…Dreams were just stupid.

I grabbed the phone from my table and looked at the screen. Dawko. It was Dawko. Why was he calling me? Maybe he wanted to try and record another collab video? I pressed the green 'answer' button and held it up to my ear.

"Hello? Razz?" His voice was hoarse and shaky. God, he didn't sound good at all. "What time do you want to record today? If you want to try and record at all, that is." Was he insane? He sounded like he had the worst case of the flu in the entire freaking world, and he wanted to record?

"Are…Are you okay, Dawko? You don't sound too good to me, you sound really, really ill. Do you have the flu or something?" I sat up and pulled my sweaty, slightly damp bedcovers off from me. At least I hoped it was sweat and not…something else. No, I wasn't thinking about that right now. I had to focus on the fact that Lewis sounded like he had a frog in his throat. There was a croaky, barely audible laugh that came out of his mouth, followed by a chesty, scratchy cough.

"I'm fine, Razz. Just a bit of a sore throat. I normally get them after I have an anxiety attack." So he was having an anxiety attack. Fuck, why hadn't I spoken to him for longer last night? Why was I such a dickhead? "But I'm fine now, don't worry." There was a moment of silence. It wasn't exactly awkward, yet it wasn't that nice either. "Not that you were anyway."

"What do you mean? Of course I care about you, Lewis! Why wouldn't I care? You're one of my closet friends! Why on earth would I not care about you? Why? Tell me the reason why!" I regretted saying it the moment I started doing so. I froze up, feeling my throat close, as there was another long, deafly silent pause. Fuck, I didn't mean for that to come across so rude…God, no wonder why he thought I didn't care; For the most part I acted like I didn't. "I'm sorry…I didn't mean to come across that way. I really didn't." He was still silent. "Daw-" He hung up. Fuck…Fuck, of course I had to fuck that up. Of course I had to!

I threw my phone back into my bedsheets. How could I be so stupid? How could I be so dumb? He wanted help and I just gave him anger. That was the exact thing he didn't need right now. God, no wonder why he hung up. He probably hated me right now! He hated me to bits right now…There was no chance that we were going to make a video today, or for the rest of time thinking about it. I hoped that he talked to me later...All I wanted to do was apologise to him, yet I knew that, if I rang now, he would ignore all of my calls. He wouldn't want to say anything to me.

Dawko's POV

My phone was dead.

My phone was fucking dead.

Normally it wouldn't be that bad, but it decided to cut out halfway through our conversation…And it was while Razz was talking about the reasons why he cared for me. Ugh, it sounded like I was a total dickhead now. It probably sounded like I hung up on him or something! I grabbed my charger from the side of my bed and shoved it into the port of my phone. It turned on. Thank God…Finally. All I had to do was wait for it to turn on so that I could text or even call Razz and explain the entire thing.

I sat up, still holding the phone in my hand, when I felt a sharp pain in my chest. Was…Was I having another panic attack? I knew that I was a little scared about how he would react to me, but surely I wasn't going to have another attack over it? I placed my hand over my heart, trying to feel if I was getting palpitations. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. If anything, my heart was beating slightly slower than usual. I let my hand slide down onto my lap while confused questions filled up my brain. This wasn't a panic attack, yet it didn't feel like a serious medical problem. Was it another form of anxiety? Ugh…I didn't want to google anything, as I knew that would just send me into a full blown meltdown. I felt terrified just thinking about the results that would come up when I put in 'chest pain'.

My phone buzzed. I glanced back over at it. Just an Instagram notification. At least my phone was finally, fully on, I guess. I carefully lifted it up, trying not to pull the charger out, and unlocked it. I pressed on the messages button on the screen and opened up the chat me and Razz had two days ago. The only reason there weren't any messages from yesterday was because, for once, we called each other rather than sending texts. I had to do this…I had to explain what had happened. If I didn't I would just be seen as a dickhead.

 ** _'Hey Razz, sorry for hanging up on you…Well, I didn't exactly hang up, my phone died. I know it sounds like I'm lying but I swear that's the case…I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry! Please don't get mad at me, please don't! I'm sorry'_**

My eyes stared right at the words that I had just typed out on the screen. Was that good enough? Was that well explained enough? I hoped it was…I really did hope it was. I pressed send, the pain in my chest starting to grow. I placed my hand over the area that hurt, my right side, and started to make my way to my office. As I walked, the pain got more and more intense…My chest…It hurt like hell, and it felt like my windpipe was closed as well. I knew that it was probably something like a pulled muscle or something, but I couldn't help myself. The moment I sat down and turned on my computer, I went straight into Google and typed in 'chest pain on right side' as well as 'shortness of breath'.

The first result that showed up was pneumothorax.

A collapsed lung.

****End Of Chapter Two****


	3. Chapter 3

Dawko's POV

No…Was this website serious? Was it serious? Did I actually have a collapsed freaking lung? Surely that would be way more painful than this…Yeah, it would. It would hurt a hell of a lot more. There was no way on earth that I had a collapsed lung. That just wasn't possible. It wasn't possible! It was just my anxiety up again. I got back up, my heartbeat feeling like it was about to go through the roof, and walked back into my bedroom. There was a message alert flashing up on my screen. Damn…he was bound to be mad at me. He was bound to be…I unlocked my phone, went into my messages, and clicked onto Razz's name.

'Well, at least you're not mad at me. I really thought you were for a moment. You aren't, right? You aren't mad at me, right? I'm so sorry, dude. I didn't mean to get so angry and fired up. Anyways, how's your health? You didn't sound so good last night. I'm just worried about you. No homo, though. Lol.'

Good, he wasn't mad. Good. Yet…Yet the whole 'no homo' thing made me feel odd and uneasy. I didn't know what it was. It was strange. It wasn't like I had feelings for him or anything; the thought of it was ludicrous!

I flopped onto my bed, trying to catch my breath back as I typed a reply. God, I really was out of breath, wasn't I? I was asthmatic when I was younger…It was probably coming back to haunt me for another few years. Looks like I was going to be digging out my inhaler later on today…Well it was a much more realistic thought than having a collapsed freaking lung. Would it be worth it to casually bring that up to him? Should I mention that WebMD said that I needed 'instant medical attention'? I might as well…There was no way on planet Earth that I actually had it, so even if he came all the way down from Scotland to drag me to a hospital, all the doctors would say is that I had the flu or something.

'Of course I'm not mad! Why would I be mad at you? Still, I'm glad you're not angry at me, I really am. I was paranoid that you would be. Anyway, regarding health…WebMD said I had a collapsed lung, but the internet is the internet. You say you have a sore throat to google and, according to them, you're gonna die in two weeks. Aha.'

Almost right after I sent it, I felt another, sharp, pain rush across the entire front of my chest. God, what was going on? This definitely wasn't any physical symptoms from my anxiety, this was something different. But it wasn't a collapsed lung, I knew that. It couldn't be! I would know if it was, I would know…I would, wouldn't I?

As I waited for a reply I decided to go and get changed. It hurt to move around, yet if I were to record a video today there was no way that I was going to do it in my oversized shirt and boxers. Not to mention my hair looked like a dead, ungroomed cat. There was no way I was going to record a video like this!

I opened my closet door and started looking for clothes to wear. Even with the heating on it was still freezing cold, so I ended up picking my thickest pair of sweatpants, along with a dark navy jumper. Once I had slipped them on I started to rake through my hair with a brush, flinching whenever the bristles hit a tangle. At least I looked more presentable now, rather than a crazy homeless person.

Razz's POV

It was just his phone dying. He wasn't mad at me. Thank God...

My phone dinged. Another message. Dawko had messaged me back already? I grabbed it out from my pocket and checked the message. The first word my eyes were drawn to were 'collapsed lung'. Fuck…What the hell? Was he that ill? I mean he sounded as sick as a dying dog the other day, yet I thought it was a bad cold. Surely he wasn't that sick, right? No…I had to ring him about it. I scanned through the rest of the message, taking in small amounts of information, before turning it off and going straight onto my computer.

I had to look this up. Something was telling me that Dawko did have what he looked up. Google never was the right thing to go to for medical advice, yet…yet he sounded so, so ill. I had to do some research. Once I was on Google I typed in 'collapsed lung symptoms' and pressed Enter.

Shortness of breath, mild to severe

Sharp pain on side of chest that lung is collapsed on

Fuck, man…I needed to talk to him about this. I didn't care if it would hype up is anxiety, he needed to see a doctor about this. I grabbed my phone, went into his contacts, and pressed on his name as fast as I possibly could. My phone was silent. No rings. Great. I looked at my signal. I had none. Bloody great. Of course my signal would die when I needed to talk to somebody over the phone the most. Ugh, how long would it be before it decided to come back on? Dawko never answered numbers he didn't know so using the home phone, the only phone in this area that seemed to have good-enough signal all the time was way out of the question.

I turned off my phone and went into Skype. Luckily Dawko was online…Good. At least he would get a notification that I was trying to send him messages. I went straight into our conversations and typed out a message as fast as my fingers could type.

Razz: 'Listen Lewis, you need to go and see a doctor. Please! Please, I am begging you. I know your lung isn't collapsed, I doubt it is, but I'm still terrified. I'm scared, Lewis. I'm really scared. I'm scared for your safety. I'm scared that…that you will go to the hospital too late. Please go and see somebody…Please!'

Now it was to wait for a reply…I wanted to see what he had to say to this. Once, when he broke his finger, he just said that he sprained it. He only went to the hospital once we noticed that there was a bone starting to push out from his skin. Even then I had to physically drag him into my car and drive him there…He was crying and panicking the entire way. I was shocked he didn't pass out from all the hyperventilating he did.

Dawko: 'I don't need to go and see somebody…it's probably just the flu, Razz. Don't fret. Its not a collapsed lung, I knew that I probs shouldn't have mentioned that.'

That was Dawko, for you. Why was he always like this? Why didn't he just go and see the family doctor or something? How on Earth was I going to persuade him to go and seek help without me being there with him? I stared at my screen, anger starting to rise up inside of me. He had to go to the hospital! I wouldn't let him not go and hurt himself more!

Razz: 'Please. Go to the hospital, ring your doctor and ask about it, bring it up to your mum. For fucks sake just do something! Just do something about this! Please! I don't mean to alarm you but I'm so scared that you're gonna hurt yourself. I really am, Dawko. I don't want you hurt. Just see somebody. Please.'

The moment I set the message my internet went down. Well, at least I said what I wanted to say. Hopefully it would be enough for him to at least call a doctor, let alone see one. Ugh, I might as well go and get ready. Although most of my videos were pre-recorded, I still had to record something today. I had to. I knew that, the moment either my signal or internet went back up, I would contact him. I didn't want him to die…I couldn't let him die.

****End of Chapter 3****


	4. Chapter 4

**Dawko's POV**

I hated hospital waiting rooms. I still couldn't believe Razz talked me into coming here. Sure, my lungs felt like they had been filled up with glue, but at least he would stop bothering me about coming here.

My phone buzzed. I didn't even need to look at it to know who it was. I pulled it out of my pocket and answered the call.

"Are you sure you're in the hospital? Please say you are…" Razz said, a tone of sadness to his voice. I still found it insane that he cared _that_ much about me. I knew that you were meant to care for your friends but he…No…He was just worried about me. He didn't care about me 'more than a friend should', he was just worried. That was it.

"Yeah, I am." A nurse suddenly ran out of the ward, making me jump as she yelled into her handheld transceiver. "And…And it's kinda creepy. I'm a little freaked out if I'm being honest." My heart started to beat faster. Crap. Seriously, why did I have to have one of my attacks now? This isn't what I wanted! Why was I forced into coming here? How could the words that Razz sent over Skype persuade me to come here? How?

"Don't worry, Dawko. You'll be fine. You'll be fine, okay? Just keep talking to me until you get called in. You should be seen quite quickly, you do have chest pain after all." His voice, somehow, seemed to calm me. I felt a lot calmer. "You did say you had chest pain when you signed in, right?"

"Yeah…Yeah, I did…I-I struggled to say it though." I knew the reason behind it. My throat felt like it had closed up, stopping any air from getting in or out from my body. Either that or my attack was starting to really take over my physical body. "It really hurts to breath, though. It really does. I really feel…" I bent forward, my head in between my legs, trying to take in the biggest breaths that I possibly could.

 **Razz's POV**

I sat there, tapping my foot, waiting for him to respond. All I could hear was his deep, yet shallow, breathing. In between each breath was a painfully long groan. Crap…Why wasn't he responding? What the hell was going on?

"Lewis? What's going on, dude? Seriously, this-this isn't funny. Talk to me, man." Still no response. I could make out some talking from the other end of the line, coming from seemingly panicked voices, but that was about it. "Lewis? What's going on?" I had no idea if it was Dawko or somebody else talking. There was just no way to guess it. "Please speak to me! Please! Please, I'm begging you, just say something!" Why wasn't he talking? What the hell was going on?

The phone line suddenly went dead. Somebody, either Lewis or a nurse, had hung up on me. No…What was going on? I knew that, if I rang now, nobody would pick up. There was no point trying to text him, either. Nobody would respond. Yeah, that was just what I needed right now. Just what I bloody needed…

I put my phone face down onto my desk, along with my face. The fact that I knew next to nothing was making me nervous beyond any anxiety I had ever felt before. What the hell had happened to him? Was he okay? Did he faint? Did he have some sort of heart attack? Was he still alive? If he saw the doctor when he first felt this way then none of this wouldn't have, most likely, happened. Why the hell did this have to happen? There was no way that I was going to be able to record a video today. There was no way! Not while Dawko was in the hospital and I was unsure if he was currently alive or not.

Sighing, I groggily lifted my head off from the table, staring up at my blank computer screen. It was my homepage. It wasn't anything interesting, just some random photos, but Dawko and I created it together one night when we were drunk off from laughter. We made it together...That's what mattered. That's what made this so much more personal to me.

My eyes started to sting with tears.

Ugh! Why was I doing this? Why was I crying? Lewis was fine, of course he was! He was in the hospital right now, under the care of many doctors and nurses. He would be fine. There was nothing to cry about. I pulled my sleeve over my hand and wiped the tears forming on my cheeks. I needed to stop crying. He was going to be fine, I knew it.

The tears wouldn't stop running. I was just sitting there, in my desk chair, knees pulled up to my chest, tears streaming down the sides of my face, my body convulsing from crying so hard. My throat was starting to become sore from the loud, broken sobs coming out from my mouth every few seconds.

I had to calm myself down. I felt like I was going to be sick otherwise…I stumbled to the bathroom, threw freezing cold water onto my face, rubbed it off viscously with a towel, and then looked back at myself in the mirror. My eyes were puffy and red, like they always were whenever I cried, my face was pale, and my facial hair was wet with a mix of the water that I hadn't washed off, as well as the tears that rolled further than my cheeks. The sleeves of my jumper were also wet with the concoction of snot and tears that was on my face. God, I looked horrible. Truly horrible…

And it was all because I was so bloody paranoid about Dawko…Geez…I was acting as if I had a crush on him or something.


	5. Chapter 5

Razz's POV

Crushes…Crush.

Why did my brain come up with that? Why did my brain go to 'crush' when I was thinking about the reason why I was so scared for Dawko? I wasn't…I wasn't gay, right? There was no way that I could be gay or bisexual or something similar. There was no way! I was just worried about my friend and that was it! Lewis and I weren't nothing but friends. We were friends and nothing more. The thought of doing anything intimate with him…Fuck, I couldn't lie. There was something oddly satisfying about us doing 'more than friends' things. Jesus, what was wrong with me? Was I going insane or something?

I raked my hands through my hair, staring at myself in the bathroom mirror, not knowing what to do. Did this mean I had feelings for him? Deep, suppressed feelings that I kept hidden ever since we first met? Fuck...What was wrong with my brain today? There was no way I had those types of feelings for him! There was no way! I've always liked girls, I always have done. This weird feeling I had for Lewis was just some weird type of worry and concern over him. He was one of my closest friends, I cared about him, and as he was in the hospital right now, this feeling of 'caring for somebody' was quite overwhelming and strong. Worry and fear can make you feel and think some crazy things sometimes.

Yeah, that was the reason behind this, right? Surely that had to be the reason behind it. Ugh, I had to get this out of my head…I shut the door behind me, locked it, stripped down, and got into the shower. The warm, running water felt nice as it ran down my back and chest. It slowed my heartbeat and, despite it being steamy, cleared my thoughts. Sure, I was still confused as heck as to why I liked the idea of me and Dawko, well, being intimate, but at least it didn't feel too overwhelming anymore. I rested my head against the tiled wall, water leaking into my eyes. Okay…I needed a moment to see why I actually felt…felt that way about…about Dawko.

He was in the hospital, so I had the right to worry about him. This shouldn't be a side effect of that though, could it? There wasn't a chance on Earth that these thoughts were coming to me purely because I was worried. Many of my friends have been in hospital before, and I never had thoughts like these about those people. So him being ill wasn't the reason…God, what else could the images in my head be linked too? I wasn't coming to the conclusion that I had a full-blown, legit crush on him; At least not right now. I could feel tears start to rise up in my eyes. No! I wasn't going to start crying. I wasn't going to have a sobbing fit again. I rubbed my eyes. They still felt sore and swollen from earlier. Fuck…It was so bloody annoying that I couldn't figure out why these thoughts were still going through my mind. Ugh, I might as well try and forget about it. No matter how much I was going to try and analyse the reasoning to why I felt this way, the feelings still happened. Nothing was going to change the past.

Dawko's POV

I woke up in a hospital bed.

My head hurt, my chest felt like it was trapped in a vice, and I found it incredibly hard to take full, proper breaths. I opened my eyes, the strong lights mixed with the white walls temporarily blinding me. I knew I was in the hospital…But how long had I been in here? I felt around, trying to find my phone. I knew that I had dropped it when I fell out of my seat, but that's all I remember doing. That was the last thing I remember doing…The next second after that, I blacked out and woke up here.

"Lewis?" I froze. That voice didn't belong to anybody I knew. I rubbed my eyes, trying to regain my vision. All I could see was silhouette of what seemed like some sort of nurse or doctor. "Can you see me? We have put you on morphine, and it can make you extremely drowsy." No wonder why I felt tingly and numb…I probably had more morphine in my system than blood right now. "Anyway, we need to take you for an x-ray soon. We think you may have a collapsed lung or something similar. The x-ray is going to be in an hour or so. In the meantime, you need to stay bedbound. Walking around will only make the pain you do feel worse." Before I could even say anything else she got up and walked straight out of the room. Welp…I guess I actually had a collapsed freaking lung. Why didn't I come here sooner? Why? No wonder why Razz was worried about me…

Somehow, I managed to sit up. My chest ached as I did so, but at least I wasn't walking, right? My eyes looked over to my bedside table. Luckily, my phone was there. Thank God…I knew I was speaking to Razz before I passed out and woke up here. He was probably worrying…Probably. I knew that, just the other night, he yelled at me for not believing that he actually cared, but something was telling me that he was lying. I might as well try and get through to him…There was no harm in that, right?

I grabbed the phone from the bedside table, opened it, and dialled his number.

The phone only rang once before he picked it up.

"Lewis? I-Is that you?" His voice cracked as he spoke. It sounded like he had been crying. "Please tell me it's you…" He started crying. Wait? Why the hell was he crying? Did he think that I was dead or something?

"Yeah, it's me…What's wrong?"

"Lewis…I'm so glad you're alive. I-I thought that you were dead. You just randomly hung up on me and I thought that you were dead and…and I was so worried. I thought that you had actually died…" He still sounded like he was crying. If anything, it sounded like he was crying even harder than before. "Are they letting people see you?" Was he serious? Did he want to actually see me?

"Um…I-I don't know. I…I really don't." A nurse came barging into my room, scaring me. Dammit…I knew what that meant. "Hey, um, Razz? Yeah, I need to leave…I have to go and have an x-ray done. I'll-I'll call you as soon as I'm out, though." He didn't even have the chance to reply before I had to leave all of my 'possessions' behind, and get wheeled towards the x-ray room.

I was absolutely dreading it.


	6. Chapter 6

Razz's POV

I couldn't do anything all day. The only thing I could do was to stare at my phone and wait for any information on Dawko's condition. I knew that I could do something apart from that, but I couldn't focus in the slightest. All I wanted was for him to be okay…That was all I wanted right now.

Ugh, why wasn't he ringing me back? How long could a freaking x-ray take? Surely it wouldn't take that long, right? When I was younger, around six or seven, I broke my arm, and the x-ray results only took twenty minutes to come through. It had been almost two full hours since he had hung up now. Either there was a delay, or he had to be treated immediately the moment the doctors found out. Those were the only two reasonable things that came to my mind right now. I hoped there was a delay…I really hoped that he wasn't THAT ill…

What was worse was that I knew that I liked Dawko in that sort of way, I just knew it.

There was no denying it.

I knew that I had to tell him my feelings. I had to go to the hospital that he was staying at. If I didn't say anything, I knew that I would never be able to build up the courage to say anything again. It would destroy my mind if I didn't say how I felt so somebody. God, what if he hated me for this? What if me telling him I felt this way ruined our entire friendship? What if we never talked again after I told him this? Damn, I hated this so much. I hated the way I felt. Why did I have to develop a crush on my best friend while he was in hospital?

I heard a buzzing.

I knew instantly that it was from my phone.

I snatched it off from the table and stared at the screen.

It was Lewis. It was him…

"Hello?" My heart was pounding so hard it felt like it was up in my throat.

"R-Razz?" Fuck…He was crying. That wasn't good. That wasn't good at all. "It's not good. They say my lungs collapsed…I don't know what to do…I'm so scared." I could hardly hear what he was saying through his sobs. "I'm so scared…I don't know what to do!" God, he sounded terrified. There wasn't a single doubt about it.

"Okay, listen to me, Dawko. I'm coming to visit you. I'm probably going to be there either tomorrow or the day after. Just stay put, I'll be there." I knew I had to keep to my word, I just had to. I just hoped that he would be able to stay put for that long…Knowing how serious these sorts of conditions could get, I didn't want him getting anymore sicker than he already was.

I wouldn't let it happen.

Dawko's POV

All I could think about was Razz…I didn't know why, but that was all I could think about. I felt sick at the thought of having no contact with him for the next month or so. The doctors took my phone so they could 'clean the germs off from it' or something. Apparently there was a chance that there could be something like on my phone that could make me sicker than I already was. Ugh, maybe if I got sick enough I could go into a coma…I wouldn't have to worry about anything then.

Still, the fact remained that I couldn't communicate with anybody. The only people around here that I could talk to were the doctors and myself. The doctors were such…such arseholes that I felt like I couldn't ask them anything, and if I started talking to myself I would just get trapped in a mental asylum of my own thoughts and emotions. That wasn't something I wanted…

I rolled over onto my side, my chest feeling like it was pressing right up against my ribcage, and tried to fall asleep. How the heck they hadn't thought about giving me some sort of painkiller baffled me. After the surgery I was meant to get tomorrow, the pain was meant to be worse. God, I hoped Razz was here by then…If he wasn't there, I wouldn't be able to function. I had to have somebody who I loved near me...Ugh, the only thing that would make our relationship worse was if I told him my feelings for him. He would be bound to hate me, I knew he fucking would. He would hate my freaking guts…He would hate me so much.

NOTES:

I'm sorry it's not that much, but there will be a pretty long update tomorrow!

OH and guess who met Razzbowski at Insomnia? ME!


	7. Chapter 7

Razz's POV

Normally I found airplanes nice, call me insane, but I did; this flight was the worse one out of them all. Not only was it delayed for two hours, but the systems mucked-up and, apparently, my flight was for the next day. At least I finally got on a plane, I guess. I stared out the window, trying to take my mind off from the fact that Lewis could possibly be dying at this very moment. Well, I knew he wasn't dying...He wasn't that ill…but I was still scared. I was so scared. I just wanted to be with him; I just wanted to be by his side…Holding his hand and telling him that everything would be okay!

I glanced at the screen that was in front of me. There were twenty whole minutes before we landed. Fuck, man…How long was this going to take? At least the hospital he was at was right by the airport, so it wouldn't take me that long to get there once I was off for this godforsaken plane. Luckily I had only bought a rucksack with me, so all I had to do was get off, go through security, and go straight to the hospital. Ugh, I just wished that this stupid plane would land sooner! I raked my hands through my hair, shutting my eyes and trying to calm myself down.

The 'nerve-knot' in my stomach was so strong right now I felt like I was going to be sick. I shut my eyes and tried my breath to hold back the tears in my eyes. I just wanted to be with Dawko…That was all I wanted. Even if I couldn't pluck up the courage to tell him that I loved him to his fucking guts, at least I was with him while he was in this state. At least I was with him…

After what seemed like twenty hours, not twenty minutes, the plane touched down on the wet, cold tarmac and came to a stop. I yanked my bag out from the overhead compartment, threw it onto my shoulder, and got off as fast as I could.

It took a while, but once I was through security, I took out my phone and looked at all the messages I got while I had no service up in the air. Both of the texts were from Lewis…

' _ **Razz…I'm really scared…im so scared, my lungs collapsed and Im really scared about whats going to happen!'**_

' _ **Please reply, man. Please, I love you.'**_

Did he just say that he…he _loved me?_

I shook it off, putting it down to him being scared. There was no way that he saw me in the way that I saw him, right? There was no way that he liked me in, well, that way. At least they were only sent a few minutes ago; it meant that he wasn't waiting for the full hour and a half that I was on that plane for.

' _ **I'm near, just arrived at the airport. I'll be with you soon'**_

Ugh, I hoped that I would be able to see him. In most hospitals they only allow imminent family to come and see you. If all of this was for nothing then…then I don't know what I would do. If I couldn't see Dawko, what else could I do?

Dawko's POV

I wanted Razz to be here so badly. According to his Twitter, he was on a plane right now…I knew that it didn't take long for a plane to get from Scotland to Birmingham, yet there were still things like delays, long waits at Security, and getting your bags; all of these things could take hours and hours. I turned on my phone, staring at the screen. It was early, the sun hadn't even rose, and I hadn't slept the entire night.

Don't get me wrong, I wanted to fall asleep more than anything, but I wanted to stay awake. The main reason was so that I could see Razz, if he was even able to come and see me, the moment he walked through the door; yet I was also terrified that, if I fell asleep, I wouldn't wake back up again. It was an awful, awful feeling…

My phone buzzed, startling me. I checked it, hoping that it was Razz saying something to me. There was a new collector's item in Best Fiends. It wasn't. Ugh, why did I even think it was Razz? My text and game notifications sounded differently, anyways. I'm such an idiot…Of course he wasn't going to text me on the plane! Did planes even get signal? I know they're high up yet I could've sworn that there was some sort of rule against texting while flying…Could just be my imagination, though.

I unlocked my phone and looked at the recent messages between me and Razz. The last conversation we had was yesterday. He was begging me to go to the hospital. To think that was only last night…So much has changed over the course of the last twenty-four hours…So much has happened.

God, I wanted to text him so badly…Texting him wouldn't be that bad, right? It wouldn't harm anybody, would it?

Fuck it.

' _ **Razz…I'm really scared…im so scared, my lungs collapsed and Im really scared about whats going to happen!'**_

I waited for a few moments, the fear starting to build up inside of me. What if he replied angrily at me? I knew that he was, probably, still mad at me for not going to the hospital straight away.

' _ **Please reply, man. Please, I love you.'**_

Fuck.

Did I seriously just say 'I love you' to him?! Seriously? Now he really fucking hated me. That was for sure. I guess there was a chance that I could blame it on the near-deadly amount of morphine I was on, but would he even believe that? I just hoped that he wouldn't think anything of it…

My shoulder was being shaken, jolting me awake. Had I fallen asleep? I opened my eyes slowly, the white lights of the room burning my eyes, and tried to look up at the figure standing over me. They said something. All I could get from their voice was that they were a male, and that was it. I couldn't tell who they were or what they said. It certainly didn't seem like a doctor, they were too nice to be one.

"You're shaking like mad…" This person, whoever he was, brushed some hair out from my eyes. Who the hell was this person? I lifted my arms up and rubbed my eyes. It didn't help. I still found it nearly impossible to see a damn thing. "Can you even see me?" His voice got clearer. It had a distinctly Scottish tone to it.

Wait…Could it be who I thought he was?

"R-Razz?" Fuck…Was it him? Was it actually him?

I heard him laugh. It was obviously him. It was obviously him!

"It took you long enough to figure it out, dude!" He chuckled again. "Anyway, are you feeling alright?" I blinked as hard as I could, before opening my eyes again. My vision wasn't totally clear, but I could see him much more clearly now.

It was him.

He was here…He was finally here!


End file.
